Counting 10 pages to the end of my degree…

It’s hard to believe I’m 10 pages away from my degree. It was an arduous endeavour that at moments I never thought I would see come to an end (and still at times wonder if that day will come to pass even as I get close to finishing). I thought I would be done by now; this project took longer than expected and in these 2 and a half years of being a graduate student so much has happened in my own life outside of my academic pursuits.

I am not the same person I was when I started, nor the person I thought I might be. I moved to Ottawa and shared an apartment with my partner, thinking I would finish two years later on the clock, degree in hand, ready to move on to the next step. During this time, my partner and I went our separate ways, I implemented a daily meditation practice into my life, worked through the death of someone close to me, and began navigating all the trials and tribulations of graduate student life as my project expanded beyond its original timeline.

It seems like forever, as though my life before grad school is a faint glimmer in the rearview mirror, even as the road ahead remains hazy and unkept. I’m still not even sure how I got here and accomplished what I’ve done so far. There are certainly moments when I was ready to give up the entire project, but now that I stand 10 pages away from the end, with the completion of my project in sight, I am glad I continued through all the dark and difficult parts of this path. I built on my commitment to my studies, one small piece at a time, focusing on the details as I moved forward, and every now and then when I looked back I would see a measure of progress that reminded me I had come a long way from the starting point.

Still, despite all the struggles I’ve faced on the academic front and in my personal life which runs parallel, this experience was more rewarding than I had ever imagined possible, not only because I’ve completed what I set out to do, but because of all the personal struggles I’ve faced in the process that have transformed me on levels deeper than I could have intended.

Ultimately, what I’ve learned so far in completing this program are not only the academic lessons of my field of study, but lessons of commitment, perseverance, self-confidence and self-direction. As I now work towards completing the most challenging 10 pages I have ever had to write, I also know that waiting for me on the other side is the satisfaction of completion, and having acquired these lessons that will stay with me for the rest of my life, regardless of the next adventure that life will place before me.

MH Pacelli